#that's so pathetic tbh but I can't help it. I love everyone

[mono-dot-jpeg]

boy failures for u - i. yoichi, s. nagi, s. ryusei, b. meguru

summary; in which some boys just love you so much, they simply can't function

genre/extra tags; scenarios, fluff, comedy, projecting my love for dog energy boys, they're so pathetic /pos, bachira is clumsy, ryusei is an embarrassingly horny dude (can confirm, he gets no bitches, absolutely ZERO play!!), nagi... is perfect as he is, yoichi,,,, is just socially awkward around people he has a crush on

[gender neutral reader]

a/n; look at me being fancy this one panel banner, slay. tbh i couldn't think of a good three photos to use for it so i tried this which is kind of nice. anyways i had a sudden thought hit me and it must be done. and what better anime to write for than the one where everyone has unexplainable gay tension between each other. i swear im as caught up as possible i think and i swear the gay tension is like,, crazy.

isagi yoichi is endearing. he's so bad at being normal around you. his face flushed a cute red, and his words barely managing to leave his mouth as you talk to him so sweetly. he doesn't know how to handle a crush. and it's so cute to tease him because he just doesn't know how to respond properly.

the times where he does manage to gain enough confidence to talk a conversation with you, he's never taking the lead in any of them. he's talking [somewhat] normally to you, answering your questions and [attempting] to reply to your thoughts and responses. of course, just don't flirt with him too hard. there's like a 50 percent chance he will understand it or not.

he can't even admire you correctly. when he attempts to give you a compliment, he's saying all the wrong words and apologizing profusely like he offended your entire bloodline. he's so utterly enchanted by you, he wonders if you're an angel sent just for him.

"you're so nice, y/n." "huh?" "i-i mean you're really cute! wait- i didn't mean that! fuck- not that i don't think you look cute! you're really a great person, you know?! sorry! i'm just gonna go back to practice...!"

nagi seishiro is so lazy that you can't help but watch over him. you understand why reo adores him (a little too much). he's a boy with pretty privilege and talent. he talks to you with such honesty that he unintentionally flirts with you. he doesn't know a lot of things well, but even he's had his fair share with understanding liking people (but that's only with the random dating sims he's tried).

when he manages to get on his feet, whether it's for a soccer match or you, he's stuck by you like a cute koala. he whines about everything being "too much of a hassle." but he finds himself walking around looking for you, no matter how far you are. he whines to you about how he had to get up to find you, and he's cuddling close to you. his mouth turned into his signature X shape as he pouts at you, annoyed that you just had to be away from him for more than a minute.

he tries so hard to be around you but at the cost of his laziness, he mutters to you about how much easier it would be if you just stay with him all the time like his purple-haired companion or his cactus pet. he fell for you first, but he makes it so easy for you to fall harder.

"why do you always have to do stuff?" "it's my job, sei." "you should just stay with me all the time. you take care of me so well."

shidou ryuusei is annoyingly desperate for you. if isagi was endearing, shidou was insolent. he speaks before he thinks. he has no shame in chasing after you. it's quite a feat that you haven't even shooed him away as much as sae has. you sort of find a friend in sae because of that. he always rolls his eyes when you mention him. he wonders why you keep being around the blonde jock, and you tell him, "who doesn't love a pathetic man?"

when he talks to you, he just can't read a room with you in it. he's the type of guy to say "this shot is for you." and it hits the goal post and then to his face. of course he'd never actually miss in a real match but i can guarantee that it would happen during a practice match. he unintentionally humiliates himself every time he tries to be cool. if sae is there, it's even worse. he's trying to bump up the flirting up to a 200 and failing miserably to woo either of you.

he's like those tweets where it's like, "how did i pull them? easy. i just went, PLEASEPLEAPLSEPWPLEAPLELA-". without fail, he basically tries to re-enact that but he doesn't even pull you because you'd much rather wait for him to actually be a decent man and grow the rest of his brain. though it doesn't seem he'll learn his lesson anytime soon.

"did i ever tell you how hot you look right now?" "yes. you have. multiple times. today." "please go out with me." "no."

bachira meguru is confusing. he's clingy, blunt, teasing, a little stupid but has the spirit, and an absolute cutie. he's passionate about what he likes. and surprise, surprise, he likes you. he's an infodumper but you don't mind at all. but sometimes those talks take a hard left into just telling you how much he likes you. you better hope you're strong because he will be jumping on you for a hug.

when he's just buzzing with excitement, he can't help but scramble by your side to cling onto you in any way that you will allow him to. he's not as boy failure as the others on this list because even when he fails to capture your heart, he's still succeeding in his book. he loves when you give him any sliver of attention. that's probably his thing as a boy failure. he is a hyper and needy dog who's too big to cuddle with but doesn't care. and you can't say no because then they just stare at you with those big eyes until you cave.

he's the type of guy to be confused when people ask if you're dating him and you say no. "what do you mean we're not dating? i thought this was the dating." he's never actually confessed, but he considers his "s-tier affection" to be confession enough. but he's kind of coward whether he realizes it or not. he's scared to actually say that he wants to be yours, but that's like an angsty story for another time, SO SHUT.

"what if we kissed? like right now?" "but we're not dating, meguru." "we're not? we should." "i'll think about it." "no think! just do!"

[joelscruff]

forget my charms (dave york x f!reader) 18+

a/n finally watched equalizer 2 and he's been living in my mind rent free! i don't really know what this is tbh, it was kind of a challenge to myself to try and write a drabble because i'm notoriously bad at keeping fics short & sweet. so i'm not sure how i feel about the lack of real story here but we go anyway! enjoy & please be sure to read the warnings! summary: your new boss gives you a memorable first day. rating: 18+ explicit warnings: fingering, lap sitting, power imbalance, infidelity, unprotected p in v (doggy), creampie, finger sucking, dirty talk, praise kink, tie used as a gag word count: 1.5k

You only met him this morning. It had been brief, his office just one stop of many on your guided tour the first day of your new job. Your co-worker had tapped lightly on his door, opened it a crack and told him he should come meet the new hire. Your stomach had turned when you'd heard him sigh deeply on the other side - you were already feeling out of place, more than a little like a fish out of water, and the concept of disrupting the boss on the first day wasn't appealing in the slightest.

But he'd been gracious. He'd come to the door and opened it wider, stood beneath the arch with an appraising little smile on his lips as he looked at you. It had been memorable, the way he'd taken your hand in his large palm and squeezed, peering at you with something attentive in his eyes, almost... intrigued. Welcome, he'd told you, it's lovely to meet you.

And now, only hours later, his fingers are in your pussy.

Pumping slow and deep, rhythmic and filthy as you lounge in his lap with your legs wide and your head resting languidly against the heat of his neck. He's got your skirt pulled up, one big hand spread firm over your trembling belly while he fucks you with his middle and index. The flickering blue of his computer monitor is your only source of light, showering his office in a dim glow.

You whimper and his fingers still, lodged deep inside your heat. He hushes you softly, strokes your tummy with his thumb and leans back slightly in his chair.

"Shh, sweetheart," he murmurs, voice low and husky, "Don't want the night crew to know what we're doing in here, now do we?"

No, you certainly don't. Can't even imagine what the reaction would be were anyone from the office to know you're being fingered by the boss on your first day. You bite down on your lip and lean back into his lap, look down with hooded eyes as he slowly resumes the slow plunge of his fingers. They're so thick, coated in a clear gloss of your release that glows blue in the light. He places his thumb on your clit, applies pressure, and you let out another pathetic whimper.

"Ohh, poor thing," he admonishes gently, "You want something in your mouth to help you stay quiet?" his hand comes up to brush against your face, "Hm? You need something to suck on?"

Your brain feels empty but you nod anyway, eyelashes fluttering as he wastes no time in slipping the middle and index of his left hand past the wetness of your lips. You suck immediately, closing your eyes and feeling them roll behind your lids as he fucks two of your holes at once, just taking, using.

Is this why I'm here, you can't help but think to yourself, did I only get this job so he could play with me like some kind of doll?

You can't quite believe you're even in this situation. You'd stayed late in order to make a good impression, still had some things you needed to figure out at your desk anyway. Everyone else had slowly trickled out of the office, until you'd realized all that remained was you and Mr. York. He'd smiled at you through the open blinds of his office, leaning back in his chair with his legs wide and his arms stretched behind his head. He'd brought one down when your eyes had met, crooked his finger as if to say, Come here for a minute.

You'd gotten up from your desk and entered his office, anxiety building in the pit of your stomach. You'd hoped you weren't about to be reprimanded for something you thought would impress him.

But he didn't reprimand you. He didn't mention the fact that you were staying late, didn't ask about how the job was treating you, if there was anything you needed, no. Instead, he'd looked you up and down again with that assessing, calculative stare and murmured, "Can you come sit in my lap for a little while, sweetheart?"

You suppose you could've said no. Probably should have, actually. That would have been the most logical thing to do - slam the door and quit your job, maybe even sue for harassment. Anyone else probably would have. But you'd taken one look at his crotch, seen the noticeably thick shape that bulged against his thigh, and realized he'd been sitting there watching you for who knows how long. He'd gotten that hard just from looking, assessing.

Fuck it.

"There you go," he breathes softly now, peering at you with dark and imploring eyes as he fucks your mouth and pussy, "That's a good girl, honey, I know," his brow furrows when you whine around his fingers, "I know, baby. You're doing so good."

He rocks you in his lap like you belong there, and it's impossible not to feel the way his clothed cock throbs against your ass. You want to see it so badly, want to touch it, taste it - but he doesn't give you the opportunity. Instead, he circles his thumb against your clit until you're shaking in his arms, hands gripping anything you can reach - the chair, your knee, his wrist. Your orgasm rolls through you and his fingers muffle the sound of your whines, your gasps, until your bones feel like jelly and your heart has slowed. He stills his movements again and lazily pulls all four fingers out of you, watches you breathe deeply and fall back against him with goosebumps rising on your skin.

"Get up now, baby. Bend over the desk for me," he tells you in that low voice, "Show me your pussy."

You pull yourself out of his lap on extremely shaky legs but obey his orders, inching forward a little to position yourself against his desk. You can feel his eyes on you as you reach back and pull yourself apart for him, show him where his fingers have invaded and explored, opened you up and made you drool.

"Juicy little thing," you hear him murmur, and then his belt buckle is jangling and you know what comes next. Legs still trembling, you keep holding yourself open and push yourself further down onto the desk, skirt pulled high and panties still hanging off one of your ankles.

He's filling you up in no time at all, cock plunged deep to the hilt and so much bigger than you'd anticipated. His tip kisses a spot inside of you that you're not sure anyone's ever been able to reach, and against your own volition you moan, low and long, full of pleasure and desperation.

You hear him tsk somewhere above you, "You really can't stay quiet can you?" He says it softly but it's full of condescension, like it's starting to genuinely bother him. Before you can apologize he's reaching down for something, still bottomed out completely inside of you as his arms and hands seem to do something out of sight. A few seconds later his blue polka dotted tie appears in front of your face, and then he's carefully settling the soft material between your lips, pulling back and tying it meticulously behind your head. A makeshift gag.

"Gotta learn to be quiet when I fuck you, okay?" he breathes, raspy and dark as he slowly pulls his cock from your pussy, only to feed it back to you again just as slow, "You don't want us to get in trouble, do you?"

No, sir, you want to whisper, but you can't. All you can do is nod slightly and grip the desk when he starts to fuck you in earnest, thrusting deep and hard before pulling out and doing it all over again. Your thighs quiver and shake against the cool wood, and as you lay there and let him take, you spot something out of the corner of your eye.

A framed picture of a family - his family.

You avert your eyes, turning your head slightly to see where his left hand is gripping your shoulder as he fucks you - you spot the wedding ring immediately. Christ.

But you don't stop it. You don't push him away, you don't leave. Even though you probably should. Even though the logical part of your brain is screaming at you that what's happening really shouldn't be, especially now that you know he's a married man.

You just let him use you. You let him fuck and fill you until he's gripping your hair in his fist and his cock is spasming and pulsing inside of you. You let him release his entire load inside your pussy, bare and messy. And then you let him pull you into his chair, tug the tie from your mouth and situate you back in his lap, still impaled on his cock.

Neither of you speak for a solid minute. He catches his breath while you try not to look at the photograph, to forget its existence entirely.

"The last one quit the first day," you hear him mumble, voice edged with tiredness, "But you won't, will you?" He thrusts shallowly inside of you, holds you against his chest as his cum starts to leak out and dribble down the hefty shape of his balls. "You'll let me do this, huh?"

What the fuck have you gotten yourself into?

[arminsumi]

I can’t get the thought of mean dom Armin out of mind. Ik everyone thinks he’s soooo sweet, but tbh I think he can be downright MEAN in bed 🤷🏻‍♀️

Like I mean.. nasty shit that you would never expect a sweet boy like Armin to say. Like, if he wasn’t fucking you so good, you’d be worried cause.. the words coming from his mouth? FOUL.

I’m having massive mean Armin brain rot help ☠️☠️

˗ˏˋ꒰ 🍒꒱ mean, mean boy armin arlert!

bf!Armin x fem!reader

Overview; mean Armin being deliciously devilish between the sheets! 🥰

Content; SMUT

Warnings; 🔞 mdni, utterly nasty smut, mean!Armin

Kinks; degradation, light humiliation mean dirty talk, mean dom!Armin, pn slut and baby, implied multiple rounds, unprotected sex, creampies, dacryphilia (and licking ur tears), daddy kink, slight breeding kink, he calls u pathetic

A/N: OH MY GOD YES i have a craze for mean dom Armin and his nastiness 😩 he's feralllll he's awfullll!! tysm for this juicy request i put all my ussy power into it

He chuckles and talks in that venomous, condescending tone. "Can't even keep your eyes open f'me? I've gotta say, Y/n, I really thought you'd be able to handle me better than this. This is just pitiful."

You whimper weakly, feeling his stubborn cock exert this unbearable yet delicious pressure on your gummy walls. It felt like the room was spinning. All you could sputter out was hiccoughs and pleas for him to keep going — which made a devilish, toothy grin spread on Armin's face.

"Aw, your pathetic pussy's already tired isn't it? Oh, too bad, baby, too bad."

Armin's mouth gets even dirtier as the creampie count goes up. His delicious seed is sloppily spilling out the sides while his cock relentlessly bullies your hole. How could it not spill out when you're so stretched out?

He lowers his pretty, lustful gaze at the place where you and him connect. He won't say it, but he's so impressed at how well his baby takes him.

The bed springs are getting worn down as he gets into a merciless pace. His breaths become ragged and his voice shakes with pleasure as he speaks.

"D–damn, babyyy — you should just give up on working n' be my full-time slut. You'd like that right? Just staying in my bedroom all day, waiting 'till I get home so I can fuck this slutty pussy dumb? Mmm — don't paw at my abs baby, that's so indecent."

Of course, he has to add that at the end of his awful speech while he shoves his whole length inside; when he's balls deep, he gets so much meaner.

He holds his cock inside you like that, as if he's testing your hole. " God, 'm gonna ruin your pretty hole, 'gonna make sure you remember who loves you most." he pants, feverishly kissing your shoulders.

That mean mouth comes kissing up your sweat-dampened neck until it hovers over your flaming cheeks. "Aw, is my slut cryin' 'cause she can't handle daddy being mean?"

"Nooo! 'love it, 'love it please don't stop!" you hiccough, " 'm gonna — m' gonnaaaa — !" you let out a strangled cry that your neighbors most definitely hear, cumming hard on Armin's cock.

A white ring of both cream and cum coats his base, frothing up more and more as he fucks himself into your heat over and over again.

Those sexy brows of his furrow deeply, causing a cleft between them. He looks so devilishly handsome, so lustfully angry, that in your fucked-out state you nearly ask him to marry you right there in your sweaty, messy bed.

More fat, hot tears of pleasure flow down your cheeks, so Armin licks them up. He hovers menacingly over your swollen lips.

"Hey, look at me — yeah, look at me, slut. Did I give you permission to cum? No, no I don't think I did." he feathers in a saccharine tone that doesn't reflect his nasty words at all. "you better announce when you're gonna cum, or I'll make you cry harder, okay?" he adds with a smile.

You think that's nasty enough to say, but oh no he gets worse when he's ready to cum again.

That tongue knows how to do two things very well; eating you out and spouting awful shit. "All you're good for is taking dick, huh? Yeah? But I love 'that 'bout you, baby. Now be a good slut and take daddy's cum, too, 'let's get that naughty pussy knocked up."

[biggie-chcese]

🤍🖤

no fandom specifications so rain code it is!! (from this ask game)

Which character is not as morally bad as everyone else seems to think? desuhiko. a lot of fans are pretty quick to act like he is just the absolute worst creepy pervert of all time when tbh i think his behavior ranges from "completely normal for a horny ambiguously aged teenage boy/young man" to "so desperate it's sad." he's a creepy desperate guy but no i dont think he's a pedophile or whatever. "what about that moment in the DLC" man that was a localization thing but even then i dont think he's actually interested in the little girl. do you really think he'd pursue her for real. do you honestly believe that. he's just trying to act like a charming celebrity and falling ridiculously flat.

Which character is not as morally good as everyone else seems to think? hrmmm. this is a harder one to answer bc i feel like i've curated my sphere enough to regularly talk to people who Get how imperfect the characters are. y'see at first i was gonna say makoto, but it's kind of a situation where i think the majority of his fans actually do understand his grey morality and are simply making jokes when they say "he's just a silly little guy!!" so i'll pivot and say yuma, because yuma is just as much of a hypocrite as makoto, if not even moreso, since his killing spree can hardly even be justified. makoto puts criminals in the meat grinder to keep his city fed but yuma just calls for the labyrinth whenever he gets cornered, regardless of whether or not it'd help him in his situation. for example, in chapter 1, it was entirely a pride thing if you think about it. halara had the answer and all yuma had to do was admit that he can't come up with an answer at the moment and that everyone's lives are more important than his spotlight. would it upset halara? yes. but also, people are in danger and you'll get blood on your hands. also, tangentially related but i feel like the fandom at large focuses way more on yuma just being a pathetic helpless little wet tissue rag that they forget that he like... gets angry. they forget that he has some things he straight up won't tolerate even to the point where he would kill bc of it if he could, labyrinth or not. which is sad bc it's part of why i love him so much <3

[tabl3]

opinions on lrmmef ships?

oh boy

any ship that involves siblings (including step/adopted) together, children and adults, or anything like that is automatically disgusting and the only one I would ever block someone for. don't care about arguments. dni with me. the end of that. also will not include aj/kyle, or daniel. because. those are literal prepubescent kids. which i am not. and respectfully, talking about teenagers is toeing the line enough for me lol. no one below 17 (in my version)

sure :D

no hate to any of these!! (besides above. if I have to explain why, go to therapy)

lab rats:

janelle/leo: cute but a highschool puppy love thing (although I do like janelle very much)

leo/taylor: i like it! originally the direction i was going to go (for a few months) but I switched bc I wanted leo to have a gay crisis and I also like logan

leo/kaz: nah. they're too best friend, can't imagine them being attracted to each other

leo/logan: cuties. canon to the rewrite

adam/owen: adam is permanently aromantic/asexual to me, but nothing wrong with it. don't know of any other adam ships but my point goes to all

bree/any of her exes: just that, highschool romance (although her with ethan was cute)

bree/caitlin: nope. too toxic

bree/taylor: i like brylar and even teo much more but also!! could be cute

chase/any one-off girls: boring

chase/jake: i like to think he was chase's bi awakening lol

chase/taylor: her saying he's cute is fun, but they barely interact at all sooo

chase/sebastian: could've been cute but sebastian did his sebastian things. also in my version it was really bad

any marcus ships (including ef ones): nope. for me I typically ship people who have interacted. which is why I don't ship marcus with anyone, including oliver

donald/tasha: they were actually kind of cute early on. then the sitcom curse struck.

douglas/tasha: lil weird tbh. i guess if donald is removed??? but to me they're just close friends

douglas/krane: absolutely happened

douglas/giselle: i love how pathetic he is lmao, this is a fine one (esp as college exes)

douglas/perry: someone help him. no for me

mighty med:

any combination of kaz,oliver, and skylar: no problem with these, but I personally don't ship any. they're all too "best friends who would never have a relationship work" coded to me. oliver had a crush on skylar, kaz had one on oliver, and skylar thought she had one on oliver, but all fizzled out pretty easily (in my version). also skylar is the most lesbian ever. also also if we're talking my version oliver is straight and kaz is gay. so. couldn't happen lol. once again no hate! :) ship what you want (as long as it's not gross)

oliver/jordan: sibling energy. maybe they had fleeting middle school crushes or smth. but overall nah

oliver/gus: keep gus away from everyone with a 10 ft pole (I like gus I swear)

oliver/alan: no

oliver/stephanie: probably also a small crush on his part, nothing came of it

kaz/spark: toxic. nope

kaz/jordan: even more sibling energy. also he's a gay man (it's true I actually wrote the script)

kaz/gus: refer to previous

kaz/stephanie: i think he was "into" her to hide the oli crush lol

kaz/experion: if experion wasn't himself perhaps

kaz/alan: no

skylar/jordan: for me, no. i don't see the chemistry lol. if you like it more power to ya

skylar/gus: ik he's a kid but shit dude no one let him talk to women until he's 30

skylar/experion: all calderans are basically siblings in my version

skylar/stephanie: i definitely see the appeal. i way prefer brylar, but no problems with this one

skylar/alan: that's her cousin

the has to interact rule goes out the window w the heroes bc they don't matter enough for it to be implausible lmao

tecton/solar flare: meh, not bad but also not good

tecton/megahertz: enemies to lovers <3 canon in my rewrite

solar flare/blue tornado: not for me

solar flare/gamma girl: pretty sure i pioneered this ship lol, love some badass wives fighting crime. canon to my rewrite

blue tornado/snowstorm: also made this one. hyperactive gf x calm bf, love them. canon to my rewrite

horace/bridget: were cute, oh well 💀

horace/douglas: in a universe that isn't mine (where brylar is canon and those are their fathers)

elite force:

chase/kaz: adore (obviously) canon to rewrite

chase/oliver: they're too similar imo, also i think chase sees him like he does leo: nerdy lil brother. also also their need for being correct would be disastrous lol

chase/skylar: i do get the appeal of this one. skylar's too gay for a ship with a man though

chase/reese: i MADE them cute before she betrayed him. in my version, sure. in ef, no

also my favorite crackship from my rewrite is experion/chase. read inquisition lol

bree/skylar: adore x2. canon to my rewrite

bree/kaz: kaz is too gay as well, i'm sorry. also they have a sibling relationship in the show. very much big sister tired of little brother lol

bree/oliver: they could be cute. however i wouldn't imagine them making it a month 💀

roman/scarlet: my creation again, i enjoy them greatly

i think that covers it??? lmk if I missed any

[theoakleafpancake]

Okay so I think I've had enough time to get my thoughts together, and after watching the new season twice back to back, here are my highlights for each episode (Basically me taking the thoughts I had written down and condensing them) (Do not keep reading if you haven't watched it yet :)) This is going to be a very long post

Chapter 1: Startouched

First of all, still can't get over Aaravos's crying. Pack it up, Santa Claus 🤚

The new Viren intro? Hello? Is he dead? He must be

Was very disappointed to realize that he was, in fact, not dead

Terry is still thriving. We stan him

Rest in peace, Sir Sparklepuff

Claudia was abandoned by her mother and her brother (in her eyes), and now her father, too, whom she sacrificed so much to save.

Her sobs are chilling

Soren is an icon, as usual, he and Opeli are the best duo

"Fellowship of the Pearl" ELROND??

Stella is the number one Rayllum stan

Seriously, why does everyone sleep in full uniform?? Except Rayla. She gets comfort

"What have I done" my poor boy is never going to sleep again

"He took our blankie" LMAOO

Barius could be an award-winning baker in our world

"I'll be fine. I have my blankie." I'm going to live by this phrase

Claudia, PLEASE get some therapy

Chapter 2: Love, War and Mushrooms

Ayo we get a Claudia intro now??? Leave my girl alone

SORUVS CRUMBS LET'S GOOO

"I'm happy to see you, too." Good. Now kiss

Karim's reflection in the crown :( poor Janai

"What am I not seeing?" Corvus, honey. There are weirdly-colored mushrooms. EVERYWHERE.

Not him having to babysit Soren and Hat

"But I will do what I must" Karim stop trying to be Viren

Ezran and Zym being brothers <3

Soren's carrying the entire show with the modern references "Among Us"

"If I ever start to doubt you, I'll know I am truly lost" crying rn

I did not expect Soren to have beef with a mushroom

Hello?? The parallel scene with Janai and Karim's speeches?? I am speechless?? It's beautiful.

Fun sized Zym!

YES JANAYA IS GETTING MARRIED

Each group adopted a baitling and I'm here for it

Chapter 3: The Frozen Ship

AARAVOS FORCED HIM TO USE DARK MAGIC ON THE SHIP???? HE WAS POSSESSED AGAIN???

"Aww, look at that pair, Sneezles and Snoozles" as he's having a traumatic nightmare LMAO

Terry is still waiting for her...

SNEEZLES WHY'D YOU RUIN THE KISS (Very smooth, Callum)

I love Earthblood magic

"Evil black ice" preach, Rayla

They really put the ship monologue in, didn't they 😭

"I mean, you can sit here and draw pictures up the ship, but does that change anything?" hey, shut up <3

Y'know what, forget the plot twists and everything, I wanna know how Claudia's nails stay perfect

Rayla sobbing over a love tragedy while Callum's out in the freezing snow

"Rayla, I'm here!" *door slams in his face*

"Rayla..." *gives a super soft look* "all this time...you were READING?" Writers how dare you

WE GET DAD LORE, EVERYONE. HIS NAME IS DAMIEN. HE WAS A POET. AND HE HAD A BREATHING DISEASE. Maybe the same like Soren? Could he have been saved with Dark Magic????

Callum just share the blanket...YES

Stella the wingman

Callum nO—WHY WOULD YOU TELL HER ABOUT THE DARK MAGIC RIGHT WHEN YOU WERE ABOUT TO KISS?

Claudia is slaying with that new haircut

TERRY WAS COLLECTING THE STICKS TO MAKE HER A LEG HJLEFHKBEFAHKBEF "I did it for you!" kuhewfkhuefw "I would do anything for you." YES

Idk why but the animation during the argument was just *chef's kiss*

"I promise." Hey. No. Stop it.

"I am a humble servant!" How the turns have tabled

Aw, Viren's begging and sobbing on the ground like the pathetic man he is.

"Good. You don't deserve any." LET'S GO, EZRAN

Chapter 4: The Starscraper

I was expecting Callum to just be shot up in the sky like he was walking into a geyser, tbh

but the starscaper is giving minecraft beacons

I was kind of expecting a "BUT it's a living creature and deserves to not be used for parts" but ig we'll settle for a "BUT it's sooo cute"

"Hello, we need help." "Drop." Well alright then

Claudia, yes. Step away from Aaravos. No, he does not deserve your help. nO

"I need to see my dad, he can tell me the right path" Yeah, I don't think she's gonna see her dad again

"How do you all feel about spiders" haha nOPE I'm out

Oh, yay. Sol Regem.

"No" HA

"No horns! But greasy hair..." dang Astrid what did Callum do to you

THE STAFFS. AND VIREN'S SHOULD BE THERE

The novablade was given to a human girl?? The Orphan Queen, mayhaps?? 👀

AARAVOS CAN'T BE KILLED???

Thank you Terry, for saving Claudia from using that vial

ohhh, Soren's about to get severe whiplash

Chapter 5: Moonless Night

Soren's serious and I don't like it

LMAO not Stella trying to steal Callum's book

"Maybe I just want to see you suffer" As you should, Soren

"And I'm so proud of you" "Everything you're telling me is some kind of lie" OUCH

Viren being miserable brings me joy

Not the wet socks :(

Rayla girlbossing as usual

her seeing the good in the ones that everyone else thinks is a monster >>>>

I want to pet Esmeray

Moana who? I only know Rayla

"Luna's love is with you even if she's not" didn't Runaan say something similar to Ethari before he left??

What's the significance of the bells

THE QUASAR DIAMONDS

HE DID IT FOR HER. HE WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR HER. SHE GETS TO SEE HER FAMILY AGAIN

Imagine the first thing you see in your life is the stars...I think I'd transcend, too

THEY'RE SEEING EACH OTHER FOR THE FIRST TIME

Kosmo's getting his magical girl transformation

"Your star is...darkness" That wasn't very nice >:(

Lain's face is full of defiance while Tiadrin and Runaan are terrified

Poor Callum

The scene with Viren shouting to Aaravos he can't control him, and then panning to the fly caught in a spiderweb is a nice touch

Chapter 6: Moment of Truth

I'm sorry, what happened to "Hello?" "How are you?" WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S NOT THE REAL PEARL? WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S THE DECOY? WHAT DO YOU MEAN AARAVOS CONTROLLED HIM AGAIN?

The parallels of both Viren and Harrow writing a letter to their son

Lissa is gorgeous

Nooo, writers, stop trying to make me feel sympathy for the rat man

Kpp'Ar?!? Isn't actually a bad guy?

Kosmo you broke Callum

"You might have all the power of the cosmos but you're still dumb" Astrid ily

Did he just?? Hit the restart button? I want that. Give me the power of the cosmos :(

HARROW CAMEO

Callum's stronger than I am cause I would have walked out as soon as she mentioned the spider was going to bite me

"Without magic, you're just a frail old man" who's talking now, Viren

Oh. "I watched it fill with her tears" my hatred of you has increased tenfold, Viren

RAYLA IS HIS TRUTH. HIS LIGHT. THE ONE WHO BRINGS HIM BACK FROM THE DARKNESS

That letter needs to go to Claudia instead of Soren

Stella bringing out the popcorn lmao

THEY KISSED. THIS ISN'T A DRILL, THEY KISSED

"I love you" IOUHEFIUHGIUEGFIUGHEFWIUHEWIO THEY FINALLY SAID IT

Chapter 7: The Red Wedding

The way he caresses her face adiwefiijefjioef

MOON NEXUS. HER PARENTS. RUNAAN.

Not Stella being mean to Sneezles for messing up another Raylum kiss

Ooh, they're getting married! But Karim has to be a little POS and ruin it with an army

Aanya, beloved

Hmm I saw you moving closer to Ezran there

Janaya for life

"Specifically, we tried to kill each other" true love at it's finest

They keep bringing attention to Pharos's wound and I don't like it

Get married, kill your traitorous brother, and eat cake, all in a day's work

THE WAY THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER they're literally perfect

"Of course I love my sister! I still want to take everything she ever loved from her!" Brother of the year award

So many of my problems could be fixed with an exploding arrow

Ezran didn't reach them in time IS HE GONNA DIE WITH THEM

Wait

LMAO SOL REGEM DITCHED THEM THAT'S HILARIOUS

Oh no he's heading for Katolis oh NO

Chapter 8: We All Fall Down

I am...I have no words for this. (Seriously, I didn't have a lot of notes for this bit. Just seeing Katolis being burned to the ground, the townspeople about to die...the writers were brilliant at letting us feel their horror and fear)

AARAVOS.

Hat survived tho

"Take good care of Hat" you act like you're about to die??

There are a lot of names I'd like to call Aaravos, but I won't say them

"I can't" oh do something for ONCE

"Take my heart." I'm sorry??? No???

Viren. Why is there blood on the knife what did you DO

He carved his own heart. He CARVED his OWN HEART

Soren's alive tho

THE PICTURES OF THE FAMILY JLKBEFJBKLFES

Ladies and gentlemen, Viren is finally dead. And even though I still hate him, his death sequence was top tier

CLAUDIA

Ew, pathetic beast (Sol Regem)

Aaravos, I hope you choke on your own tears <3

Claudia, the tragedy that you are

She lost her father TWICE

Nooo the pearl GET AWAY FROM HER AARAVOS

HE DID ALL OF THIS. ALL OF THIS BECAUSE THE PEARL WAS STILL THERE. HE KNEW SHE WOULD COME BACK FOR HER FATHER. AND HE NEEDED VIREN DEAD TO GIVE HER THAT FINAL PUSH.

I forgot Lujanne had a husband. Or boyfriend. Did she and Allen get married? I don't remember

Thank you for being the ONLY reasonable one here, Terry

Claudia and Callum are after the same spell??

He needed Sol Regem's bones :o

IT ISN'T THE REAL QUASAR DIAMOND?

"Veritas" hello Deltora Quest what are you doing here

HE HAD THE THIRD QUASAR DIAMOND IN HIS STAFF THE WHOLE TIME?? RAYLA HAS TO CHOOSE? WHY CAN'T YOU LET HER BE HAPPY DANGIT

Ooh Claudia's spell didn't work?

Chapter 9: Stardust

"It needs love" That was...not what I expected from you

Leola, cutie. Her and Claudia would have gotten along well

Callum made her a bracelet to bring her back <3

Rayllum!

RUNAAN? it wasn't the behemoth, he's there but he's corrupted? What???

LAIN AND TIADRIN!! And they're...dancing?

Ohhh the key was for a book

They're at peace. Runaan's not. I'm going to die

Leola looks so small standing before them

I love how the cosmic order is just like "oh this is the beginning of chaos" you are quite literally about to kickstart that chaos

The og trio looks so small in the flashback

THE REFLECTION IN THE POND SHOWS LITTLE RAYLA HUGGING HER PARENTS. ILUHEFIUGLEFIUHL

And thus, Leola's Last Wish was born

Oh Santa's back

They put his prison in his daughter's grave 😟

"You taught me to never break my promises!" Hey, so. Can you break the promise you made in Chapter 3?

"No!" Runaan get back here right now.

So Lain and Tiadrin have been dancing this whole time while Runaan's been living in a nightmare. That checks out

Ruthari <3

OOh the Aaravos/Runaan spell is just like the Janai/Karim speech sequence

RUNAAN IS BACK. RUNAAN IS ALIVE

OH NO CALLUM CAUGHT SIGHT OF KATOLIS BURNING

The wedding was supposed to be happy >:(

Aanya got to try her cake tho

Ezran, my poor boy. He was just going away for his aunt's wedding. Nothing was supposed to go wrong. He's still a kid.

Aaravos also gets his magical girl transformation

Hello?? He's literally a giant? Ohhh the "I swallowed her" makes sense now

Terry knows this is a horrible idea. What if Aaravos makes her turn on Terry?????

Is this why is voice is so deep?

Overall, season 6 was a ROLLERCOASTER and probably my new favorite season. There was so much going on, and it did not disappoint. I can't wait to see the next season, AND for those of you who don't know, there has been a mention of a third arc which means possibily 10 seasons instead of 7!!!!! But in order for that to happen we need to show as much support as possible so yeah! If we do get those 3 extra seasons I will never shut up about this series

[choisunjaeisactuallymine]

reality quest men as Yandere! Otome! characters pt.1

other parts: eunsung, sunjae

this version of Dowan as a full fledged Yandere! here

Ha Dowan

WARNINGS: fem reader, slight (very) ooc, this wasn't meant to be yandere, also mentions of stomach chub...EVERYONE HAS STOMACH CHUB AND IT'S ADORABLE!! i don't make the rules. Dowan likes it too.

First love interest. Easy manipulated and gets obsessed with you the moment he sees you. The classic pathetic jealous loser stereotype because trust me, even if he loved you to hell and back, he would not say a word about it.

Still in his loser coded era when you meet him, and you replace Arin as his first girl. Still doesn't know why you stick around tbh, but he's hooked on you either way. You guys definitely met from seating arrangements. First day of school and his new seat partner is you, Dowan might be a late bloomer from the way he's reacting to your presence.

Get to know him in class, and he's this huge nerd. Does calculations on powerscaling within games (even though it's mainly due to being bullied, poor boy), and genuinely updates data on the Wiki about his opinions and stats. Ask him about what he's playing and make your own account. If you want to take advantage of him, just hint at being bad and he'll offer to grind for you for free #simpalert.

At the beginning of his transition, you stick around him often and comfort him. Sometimes he gets a few bruises from hits, and you patch him up. You guys have a tradition of meeting up at the park every night so Dowan can train, and you can sit still and look pretty while you hold on to his water bottle.

Tease him by saying you'll give him a kiss if he finishes his workout everytime. He flushes and brushes it off while you laugh. Baby him after his workouts, you guys don't have a lot of time alone during school, so maximize this time! Go to a roadside convenience store, or bring him a home-made bento. Force feed him. He secretly likes it.

He bulks up a lot during this time, and you're very surprised by the progress. The lanky boy you once knew was gone, and in his place stood this new, muscled guy. He's still your little puppy though. Order him around and force him to carry you on his back while he does push ups. He can't even think of the strain when you're on top of him.

A special event might trigger here. A group of teenage boys looking like a stereotypical otome gang show up and try to hit on you. One of them grabs you by your shoulder and in comes Hurricane Dowan. But now he's not so skimpy anymore, and one squeeze of his hand is enough to send them running away. Give him a kiss as a reward, he's still waiting for that offer :).

As a way of thanks, invite him to see a movie with you the next day. The system will help you and make it a required event. Pretend to be naive and accidentally squish your chest against his arm during a jumpscare. Slot it right between your breasts, put those girls to good use! Cling onto him when the movie ends using the excuse of you "being scared". He'll buy into it.

Later on, you meet Eunsung, and he's pretty taken with you too. Dowan knows he's in trouble, he sees Eunsung's face and finds his old self reflected on his expression. Remember when I said jealous? You really don't understand why he's trying to monopolize your time all of a sudden.

Dowan doesn't really understand it either. He doesn't understand why Eunsung is suddenly a part of your life when you haven't talked to any man besides him. He wanted to believe he was the only one you thought of. The idea of Eunsung sharing a spot with him didn't seem right to him, and as much as he respected Eunsung, he wishes he wouldn't have let the two of you meet.

Cue him starting to follow you around like a puppy. It's really weird to see him everywhere all of a sudden. Library, hallways, wait...was that him behind the pole near your window? Don't think too much about the love letters in his backpack with your name scribbled on them. And don't even look at his nightstand when he invites you over, it's definitely not a lock of your hair in that plastic cup you threw away a month ago.

Has his transformation taught him nothing? The only thing that changed was that now he was a buff pathetic jealous loser with questionable habits. Is that a pagan symbol on his desk? Oh, looks like he's made a doll of you out of felt, how sweet. You don't know why he's sweating so much though. Honestly, the fabric looked a little too familiar...

Dowan isn't too phased by your behavior. He lays on your lap as you run your hands through his hair. You came to his apartment after you heard that he was sick. He looked fine when you got there though, maybe he was right when he said you had a healing aura.

A notification goes off on your phone. It's Eunsung's contact. Before you can reach for your device, Dowan grabs it using his full strength and crushes it to pieces. You're stunned into silence.

Panicking, Dowan quickly apologizes for his actions.

"I'm so sorry Y/N!" His eyes are teary as his face begins to redden,"I didn't mean to do that-you know I didn't mean to do that!" Fat drops cascade down his face as you hurry to comfort him. You pull him close, and he positions himself in the middle of your chest, cuddling into your two mounds of flesh.

"You know I'd never upset you..." he mumbles into your shirt, "I'll buy you another phone...just trust me, okay?" You're frozen solid when his icy hands begin to creep around your waist, rough pads rubbing your soft stomach as he kneads and pulls.

Was the game always meant to be this way?

"I'm tired..." he pouts at you with big eyes, "can't we go cuddle?"

'Okay.' You hesitantly reply. He happily picks you up and spins you around, you slightly giggle from this gesture. He places you on his bed as he pins you down, a gigantic grin on his face. You don’t think you've seen him like this before, his eyes crinkled like crescents, bright irises full of stars. His joy was pure and real, and it was absolutely beautiful.

You placed your head on the juncture of his neck as you let yourself unravel in his embrace. One of his hands lay lazily around your waist as the other threads through your hair, large palms softly massaging your scalp as you feel the last remnants of your consciousness slip away.

In the corner of your sight, a small red warning sign flashes on and off again, until suddenly, it stopped.

Dowan wipes away the last of his crocodile tears as he feels your breath evening out. He holds you close, trying to take in your warmth and your scent, the softness of your skin against his. He nuzzles into you again, a content smile resting on his lips, a stark red glow dissipating from his eyes.

[end of episode 1]

Edit: okay all of them are jst gonna be yanderes I've realized that I physically cannot write a healthy relationship. quotev has done a number on me throughout the years

[kajiimotojiiro]

Who are your favorite and least favorite FKMT characters?

Oh man. Okay. The thing is I love like all of the characters so far (with one major exception) so this is going to be long and probably annoying BUT I have nothing better to do than ramble so.

FIRST OF ALL. Kazuya.... my boy.... I just think he's so fucking intriguing. If he wasn't a gambler I'm sure he'd be that freak cave diving and skydiving and riding a motorcycle 200 mph in the dark with no helmet on just to try and feel something besides immense boredom. He was doomed from the moment he was born. While some authors are literally typing "this is research for writing I promise" in google so they don't get flagged as someone dangerous he's straight up just torturing people for reference. I love the way he speaks. I think he's incredibly endearing despite. Gestures. His everything. I'm actually at a standstill in reading the manga bc I keep just rereading his first chapter he appears in and grinning like an idiot. Anyway. I'm very normal about his crazy ass.

Of course I also adore Kaiji. Who doesn't??? Like. See hims face. He's so cute. He's so hopeless. Living embodiment of the dumbest fucking choices possible. Anxiety gijinka. Sweats more than the entire cast of top gun. The only thing that beats out his obsession to gamble endlessly is his obsession with helping EVERYONE ALL THE TIME TO HIS OWN DETRIMENT. Despite everything he can't help but be kind and determined and I just. Man. Adrenaline junkie who is addicted to his own panic attacks. I love him so much. I cry if I think about him too much.

ENDOU. MAN. I need him to go batshit feral in a Teiai meeting like full nothings gonna stop me now paul Kaye style. He deserves it. As a treat. The entire series is basically his fault so the fact that he keeps ending up in trouble throughout it makes me laugh like bro. Every single time you get involved with Kaiji everything goes to hell for you WHEN WILL YOU LEARN. But also don't ever learn bc I will be sad if he disappears from the manga. Where is his spinoff fkmt. Where is it. And can it just be him in his downtime reviewing restaurants.

Tonegawa!!!! I miss him. Biggest style glow up in the manga tbh. Sure yeah he is an ass and doesn't really see any of the gamblers as people but. I love him anyway. He did NOT deserve what he got. It wasn't even his fault his opponent was batshit insane. I need him back. Please please please please please.

Okay this is already forever long let's have honorable mentions. Ishida - He's so cute and I feel so bad and I cheered when Kaiji punched his idiot son for bitching about him. I hope he was unconscious before he hit the ground. Sahara - Possibly actually the most insane guy in the series. Bro WHY did you wanna be in a death game so badly. Definitely had the young guy mindset of invincibility. "You smell different" Sir WHAT are you fucking TALKING about. He on x games motherfucker. Uhhhh. No okay I'm cutting myself off bc like. I have a lot of feelings.

I lied one more - Mikoko. She deserves sooooo much better than Kaiji I'm sorry yeah everyone loves him but he's kinda just a dweeb. I hope we see more of her actually.

As for least favourites.... Sakazaki is like. He's okay. He's kinda pathetic as all hell but he pulled through in the bog arc. But whenever he starts talking about Mikoko it kinda skeeves me out. I don't think he's doing anything weird or wrong or whatever I'm just like sir why are you imagining your daughter pregnant. That's uncomfortable I don't like it. Otherwise he's okay. He's just kinda there.

OTHERWISE THERES ONLY ONE RAT BASTARD IN THE ENTIRE SERIES I HATE (sorry this ended up being only about Kaiji - you see, it's the only fkmt work I've really interacted with. Otherwise I'm p sure Washizu would have been up there in my faves.) But. Like. Kazutaka just fucking sucks. And believe me, I've loved some shit tier villains before, but he's just. He's not even fun to hate, he's just _there_. "I want more money" OK then like. Get into counterfeiting or SOMETHING that's more interesting than just slobbering all over the screen when you show up. I just can't think of a single enjoyable character trait. Tantrum throwing piss baby who just likes being cruel to be cruel. And again, like, it can totally be done well! He's just fucking 1 note and boring. To me he adds nothing. He's a placeholder when more interesting opponents aren't around. Keel over already shithead.

[rainbowpui]

I saw "svconfession" page on Tumblr and some takes about SJ just makes my blood boil

cont.

Especially this one: "People should stop writing everyone falling in love with SJ. He’s not SY, guys! SJ is an asshole and no one can stand him, but YQY. He’s an acquired taste." Like why are they trying to dictate us on what we can write or what we can't write

omg yeah ive seen so many bad takes like that

literally they are just haters its no ones fucking business what kind of fic someone else is writing or art they are making. its really pathetic to claim to stan one character but spend all your time shitting on another.

the classist implications of saying the CHILD SLAVE who is HEAVILY implied to be a CSA survivor is inherently unlovable but the rich NEET internet troll who harasses people and manipulates others for his own gain is like "super nice actually"

tbh i think sy is a wayyyyyyyy bigger asshole than sj. hes literally introduced as an internet hater. people dont want to look at the way that he treats sqh or admit that what he did with lbh was emotional manipulation and child grooming.... like he literally love bombs him and shows a clear bias to him while ignoring all his other students. a teacher bullying a student is wrong but so is a teacher being inappropriately close to a student???? theres a reason that everyone else on the sect thought he was ALREADY fucking lbh when he was a student and lmy was writing that fic, its bc their lvl of "closeness" was not at all normal. not to mention that ppl forget he didnt save lqg out of niceness. he did bc he was trapped and couldnt run (reread the novel babes everyone somehow misses this part???) and wanted to use lqg as human shield. he needs sqh to help him take care of the plant body so he doesnt... literally die... but even after OWING HIS LIFE TO SQH he STILL treats him like shit and threatens him with violence all the time... including in the extras were he supposedly had all that ""character growth"" 🙄

but just bc i feel that way doesnt mean im going to police how anyone else writes fic and has fun. they can woobify him all they want and ignore all his flaws if thats the kind of content they want to make and its not my business bc its fucking fanfic and ppl can write any kind of fic they like. but i would really appreciate it if they would stop shitting on us for OUR fave. esp given that a lot of sj stans like him because..... they are also survivors as well and can relate to him bc of that. and then get accused of supporting child abuse irl bc we dare relate to the character that is clearly shown to have gone through the worst abuse as a child of any of the characters in the novel..... like use your brain...

[psychewritesbs]

Crazy how loads of people from this fandom lacks faith in Megumi yet you've got the strongest sorcerer of today and the strongest sorcerer in history simultaneously vouch for him.

Gojo confidently believing Megumi will push through and know the truth about his father.

Sukuna, who pushed Higuruma and recognized his talent yet still said he wasn't anything special, but for some reason he never exhibited that kind of attitude to Megumi despite screwing with him over and over. It begs the question, what it is that they see in him doesn't it? Yet people prefer to ask dumbly why Megumi is acting the way he does as if the reason hadn't been made clear since the beginning.

And can we talk about the blatant hypocrisy in this fandom? People are comparing him to Yuji as if what he's going through is any different than that of Yuji in Shibuya. Did they conveniently forget how Todo had to step in and talk no jutsu Yuji to pick himself up cause he was so down in the dumps?

There's also the rampant complaints about characters not reacting emotionally to deaths and yet we have a character right now, whose reacting emotionally to the death of a loved one yet they're chastising him for it? Which is it really?

Welcome to jjk-confessions Sunday, not on a Sunday as per usual.

I'm going to repackage your ask and frame it using the following formula:

Megumi = the shadow.

The shadow = the repository of repressed or rejected aspects of our personality.

TLDR; Megumi catches very interesting projections to say the least.

Like potential man isn't even a bad meme tbh, because he is potential man. That's Megumi. But like, it's the attitude towards the idea that he is having such a hard time reaching his potential (something that is VERY understandable given his backstory and how that affected his sense of self).

I swear every time I see something bad about Megumi (other than "I just don't like him", "he doesn't speak to me", or "I couldn't get invested because xyz was missing from the narrative--that is actually lacking"), there's always some sort of rejection of vulnerability at the core of it.

Which as I have said only like 350,068,023 million times already I've been keeping track, Megumi rejects his vulnerability.

So when I see a lot of the comments about Megumi, what I see is the complete rejection of one's humanity if I'm honest. Like, everyone in jjk is being shown to have some kind of very flawed perception of the world, and for some reason Megumi picks up projections around being a bitch for someone, being weak, pathetic... do I keep going?

And this is all so interesting to observe because he is such a beautiful character when you take the time to understand him. Gege cooked with Megumi.

Idk, I can't help but feel like it's interesting how Gege keeps breaking the 4th wall with jjk, and Megumi is one of the ways he's doing it. And idk about y'all, but I think he's very conscious of how he directs his energy towards the fandom.

idk how to explain well. Hopefully that makes some sort of sense lol.

Anyways. Thanks for sending a letter in anon. We remain strong.

[eshtaresht]

GUYS GUYS I CAN'T KSODKLSOSL!!!1!!1LKDKJ;;S !!!l1JK!::kKD;P SOSKSLSPSODS A;SDOKDLAD I CAN'T EVEN FORM WORDS

spoilers for ep 12 (and a bit for trigun in general) and my overexited ramblings under the cut

you know an episode will be good when where's no opening

so, the twins are meant to be characterized straightforward in every anime adaptation, ig. it's not bad, but the manga twists their personalities 180° and it adds SO MUCH nuance (I'll talk about this at length some day)

tbh I had to pause for laughter when knives was YEETED outta the gate (I have sense of humor of a five year old)

everybody already said everything, but still. OG HAIR COMEBACK OMG AHRAHAAKFJDlahjddjha!!!!!!!! ;!!! ;! and not only hair, but the whole characterization this episode was much closer to trimax vash, and not just sadboy depressive bbg

MERYL/REM PARALLELS LETS GOOOO!!! like, I guessed this would happen, but the visuals, the tension and pure GRATITUDE in vash's voice when he was able to break free from his mental prison... we're eating good

speaking of eating, I CAN'T get over that moment when vash deadass BIT KNIVES. that's peak sibling behavior, he's literally fighting tooth and nail over there

also mashwood is so real tonight!! love love love meryl&nico interactions in stampede, they barely spoke to each other in other versions! and the look of relief on vash's face when he sees nico skedaddling away with meryl!!! he's so glad that they're gonna be okay and that nico made the right choice and came back to help, if briefly. interstingly, he was able to remember everyone, but after the explosion at the end he still lost his memory.

and THE WINGS, DUDE!!!! it gives the finale of trimax, when they both had only one wing left..... still missing feathers, but I love the diversity with knives's, eh... knives, and vash's energy/void or whatever that is, I support it

he's so pathetic even when he looks cool, homeboy had NO control when he used his wing for the first time... cudos for learning new powers on the spot tho

ow ow ow that scene with the military hurt... and he couldn't even save them!

"why are you like that, vash?" "I'm vash the stampede" "IT'S BEEN OVER A CENTURY AND THIS IS THE BEST YOU COULD CAME UP WITH" same here, knives, he's hopeless. I anticipated that moment, but it probably hits even hard for stampede onlys

angel arm!!! tho it's not that angelic now... how are we gonna call it? I take suggestions. rip arm and coat, I feel like we'll actually get a more trimax leaning design next season!

to all the ppl (myself included) who wanted to see vash cry properly... are you happy? ARE YOU FUCKING HAPPY??? after the last episode, after all the mental torture knives put him through, vash still doesn't want to hurt him and, just like knives, can't handle the distance between them.......... I am inconsolable. and as much as knives wanted to break vash, it hurts him so much to see those tears irl....... but he just can't stop, because they're both SO FUCKING STUBBORN and it already took to much to get there and he just can't. stop. now.

"nai is dead, you killed him" first of all, *sounds of screaming crying throwing up*. second of all, his name is million knives, vash, stop deadnaming your brother/j

the death scene itself.... oh it's soo good and yummy. I know this mf isn't fully dead and conrad will fix him, but still. he can have a second death of self as a treat

btw, gotta adress my earlier theory about "happy birthday" being metaphorical. no, it is in fact July 21st, and tristamp lasted about two months in universe. still pretty hard for me to believe, it felt five times shorter due to the pacing. but it is what it is: I'm esht and I was wrong, I'm singing the esht wrong song

and just as I thought this would be the end of it, WE GOT A FLASH FORWARD THAT HAD BASICALLY EVERYTHING WE WERE HOPING FOR AND MORE

RAISED BOUNTY! MERYL GIRLBOSSIFICATION!! a hint at insurance society (tho that was more of a threat and she's still a journalist). MILLY CONFIRMATION!!! ERIKS' LACK OF ARM AND AMNESIA!!!! EARTH FLEET AND CHRONICA!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!

IT'S GONNA BE GOOD SEASON 2 IS GONNA BE EVEN BETTER I CAN FEEL IT IN MY BONE MARROW

[thesungod]

tbh I love how cruel and terrifying Cupid is overall- like in HoH and in most myths, can't believe Apollo and Nico didn't get to bond over the fact that they were both traumatized by him- but then in his own story, Eros almost feels like an entirely different person. He's just sad and pathetic. Spends Psyche's entire quest going "I miss my wife :( how is she doing can I see her" and then repeatedly threatening the Olympians into helping her succeed so he can reunite with her. Is physically wounded by her betrayal of his trust and can only be healed with true love's kiss. Psyche's myth is the basis for one of the most famous love stories in the world, and Beauty and the Beast is forever ruined for Nico. I'm never getting over the fact that Eros is also pretty much the only god who has a faithful, healthy marriage and his full time job is wreaking havoc on literally everyone. He should drive Apollo up a wall.

he’s the “horrible mean guy who’s only kind to his wife” trope

and apollo should kill him

[bruce-wayne-simp]

Ok yall im about to watch Remainder (2015)

I love how when i started my Sandman obsession i was like 'ok but we arent gonna get obsessed with Tom Sturridge' and now here we are. Ive watched Pirate Radio like 3 times and now im watching this

Disclaimer: idk what exactly this movie is about. Ive read a synopsis before but that was a while ago and i forgot what it was so 🤷‍♀️

The rest is under a read more, so, incoherent rambling ahead (hopefully). If not ill just be yelling abt how pretty he is i guess

Spoilers ahead

Oh god its starting aaahhhh

Hes panting....

So he's walking around frantically (but not like. Panicked) with a suitcase

Ok he left his luggage and now something fell-

HOLY SHIT he just got bashed in the head by something falling

How is he not fucking dead that was BRUTAL

Oh ok so hes basically dead??

Oh no hes awake actually

3 minutes in and this is a rollercoaster already jesus

Ok so he's in the MRI end he's remembering something

Ok creepy old lady

HE'S SPEAKING AAAAHHHH

Oooh he's scraggly here. Long hair and a beard

Ouch i feel bad for him :( he got tea and then fell while carrying it back to the bed

Did he rip the phone cord out of the wall on purpose

Ok tbh this is getting kinda tedious

Ooooh wait now its getting interesting

Ok so hes in the phone booth bcs he accidentally(?) pulled his phone cord out of the wall and this guy is impatient and wants to use the phone but gives up and goes away.

Then these two guys pull up in a car and are trying to get him out of the phone booth. The guy from before pulls out his phone and starts recording and one of the two guys reveals he has a gun. The guy recording manages to spook the two guys off.

Tom (T. Sturridge's character) gets out of the booth with the help of the recording guy, looks at him intensely and calls him Christopher. Chris gets kinda freaked out bcs that's his name and Tom somehow knows it.

INTRIGUING. Which is great bcs i was about to skip forward

Oh shit now there's some lady in his house

He knows her??? Ok

Also he did rip the phone out of the wall on purpose

Oh thank god hes getting a haircut

Oh also btw hes getting a settlement for the accident which is 8.5 million pounds but after taxes and stuff itll be like in the hundred thousands. The catch is that he can't talk about it. Which to him is all well and good bcs he doesn't remember anything about it.

Its kinda implied by this point that there's more to this than just an accident

Aww he's talking to the lady (idk her name and at this point we don't know his either) and he says he remembers her. He specifically remembers seeing her right before the accident (which we saw earlier), he remembers her smell and remembers kissing her or someone who looks like her

They're in the lawyers office and GOD is he pretty here

I noticed the way he moves his hands kinda oddly in The Sandman and i wondered if that was a character choice but i think he just Does That?? Idk we'll see

Im so confused. What??

I'm even more confused

How dare he look pretty with blood on his face looking pathetic in the subway

Oh shit thats a little complicated

So he went to this guys house where hes having a halloween party. The dudes name is Greg(??) and knows our guy. We find out the lady's name is Catherine and she is Gregs wife. Our guy is kinda agitated and trying to leave (for some reason) and Greg keeps pulling him back. Greg drops that she is/was his wife and that shes a liar and our guy pushes past him, goes into the bathroom amd vomits in the sink.

"Blizz. I think youre bad at explaining. None of this makes sense!" Exactly. Im even more confused

I have faith this will all make sense soon. We are only 30 mins in.

Is this just a 'this movie' thing or a British thing?? Is everyone this impatient all the time?? First hes in the phone booth for literally 5 seconds before someone tells him to hurry up. Now hes in the bathroom for maybe like 1 minute before people are like 'hey hurry it tf up' like CHILL yall

Ok nows a good time to mention this. He keeps having visions/flashbacks of this little boy in a red and blue coat and a creepy old lady

Oh shit that was intersting. Ok so he had a vision of walking around his flat and he winds up in the stairwell and he sees the old lady. She says something and he cant make it out so he asks 'What?' and she looks kind of up and next to him and the little boy is right there. The boy holds a hand out, our guy closes his eyes and he opens them to find himself still in the bathroom.

Wild. Ok. Im a bit more intrigued than confused now

Ok he was in the bathroom for an hour apparently. Theyre justified in yelling at him. But he also suffered severe brain damage so 🤷‍♀️

✨️arts and crafts time✨️

Catherines back!

He's kinda wary of her after his convo with Greg but she shows pics of herself in Oxford (where she said she was going) then they start bantering a bit and he says theyve had this conversation before and asks if she remembers and she says no :(

They're kissing aahhh

Oh shit Greg called her

He threw her phone at the wall and told her to get the fuck out

Hes not having a good time. Tbh he never was

Ok so he made a cardboard house during his arts and crafts time. For what? I have no idea.

Ok he lifted up the top and now he just destroyed it. Forget about the house we hate the house

Ok actually don't forget about the house he's calling realtors to ask about the house he recreated

Use a laptop you loser ❤️

OOOOH OKAY

So remember the vision he had in the bathroom?? THATS THE HOUSE HES LOOKING FOR. THE HOUSE HE WAS IN IN THE VISION. IT WASNT HIS FLAT.

Ok i think i get it? Hes having these visions and he remembers things and hes trying to recreate the memories and figure out what the visions are

Ok also i like the realtor guy. Hes working with him to figure out what the place hes been seeing is. Down to the old lady and the little boy.

Also we find out more details. The old lady cooks liver all the time to the point where our guy can smell it upstairs and puts her trash out whenever our guy leaves his apartment. Theres a guy who composes music and our guy can hear it upstairs.

Like hes professional and obviously a biy weirded out but hes not just like. Dismissing him out of hand

Also id youve seen The Kissing Gifs, this guy is the guy he kisses later on

The realtor guys colleagues find the house within like. Minutes and our guy is THRILLED

"I want you full-time, all the time." "Im not cheap." KISS ALREADY, DAMN

Oh shit it's those two guys from the phone booth

Oh ok so he wants to literally recreate the visions. He bought the complex he was seeing and he described the lady and the other dude so the realtor guy can move them in i guess?? And hes having construction workers make it EXACTLY as he saw it.

This man has Issues. Thats it thats the movie(?)

Oh my god he's having it recreated down to the fucking CATS on the roof. Jesus christ.

This part is hilarious

Ok so they tied the cats down to the roof bcs they were falling off the roof (horrifying). Our guy sees this and is like 'wtf no' so they have this amazing convo

Naz: These are the last cats we have

Tom: ...so?

Naz: So if they fall we'll be cat-less

Tom: Then we'll get more cats- why are we even having this conversation?

Like it's awful but funny as shit

Realtor guys name is Naz (we just found out)

(The cat handler quit btw)

Jfc he's like. Inspecting the people who are moving in with Intense Eye Contact

Oh my god hes like. Ordering this guy to do nothing but compose music that has ALREADY BEEN WRITTEN day in and day out and start over again and again

Holy fuck this is so Wild. There are people in line who literally have their faces covered (bcs i guess he doesn't know what they look like????)

He just told this lady that there's a broom closet but he doesn't want her to ever use it. But she needs to think about it. WHAT THE FUCK

"You will notice there are some rooms that have been left blank. Like the masks some of you are wearing. You're not less important, you're just less specific."

Hey. Hey Tom. Do you take constructive criticism? How about you use that small fortune and go to ✨️therapy✨️

Greg's a bit of a douche

Wow this is creepy as shit

He's going into the house and everyones in place recreating the vision but its just so... produced.

Hes micromanaging the SHIT out of this

HE WANTED TO MAKE THE LITTLE BOY APPEAR AGAIN. HE TOLD NAZ THAT THE BOY APPEARS WHEN EVERYTHING'S RIGHT. I WAS WONDERING ABOUT THE LITTLE BOY

Also the old lady fell when she was doing her thing and it knocked him out of seeing the boy

Christopher (the guy from the phone booth) seems chill.

Also Toms proposition is weird but not like. Actively malicious. He told Chris that he wanted him to stay at the phone booth. The longer he stays the more he gets paid. Also that the phone will ring and he gets paid if he answers it

We have 50 minutes left in this fucking movie

Oooohhhh hes sleeping with some random lady to try and recreate a memory i think

OH he's trying to recreate the memory with Catherine but without Catherine

Nooo those guys got Christopher :(

Naz is a real one

Oh god hes recreating Christophers death. HES PLAYING THE ROLE OF CHRISTOPHER HIMSELF

He had the guys use an ACTUAL TASER on him

Naz was like 'youre not using an actual taser' and Tom was like 'then go home' and i guess Naz decided to stay lmaooo

He threw up afterwards bcs being tased is Not Fun and was like 'again' and Naz (who is very sweet) was like 'i don't understand why it's necessary to hurt yourself'

Once again, NAZ IS A REAL ONE

Theyre still doing it again tho

Nvm he walked out of the phone booth and immediately collapsed lmao

Oof the lady he has playing Catherine is Over It

'I won't hurt you' he says as he has his hand around her neck

Men will do literally anything other than go to therapy

He scared the living shit out of her and now she's just reciting her lines on autopilot to appease him

To his credit, he feels bad about it (bare minimum)

Nvm about that actually

Sir you just traumatized some random lady bcs YOU can't deal

Oh fuck

Ok so the two guys got him

Apparently he stole the suitcase he had in the beginning of the movie before the accident and they wanna know where it is

Which is a problem bcs Tom can't really remember anything

Oh shit they're torturing him abt it

Oh wow that house is super fucked up

Literally everyones waiting in place and Tom and Naz are just. Upstairs.

They've been frozen for OVER AN HOUR

Tom's just. Watching tv like he doesn't have a dozen people frozen in place downstairs.

Wealth really does fuck you up huh

Ok bcs of Reasons theyre reenacting a bank robbery. Don't ask me why. I know why but i just don't feel like explaining it

Is Naz a realtor? I don't think he is actually. I just assumed. Sorry Naz.

At least he has a lot of stuff to put on his resume now? He could make a killing in theatre. That's basically what he's doing now is stage managment

Omg in this scene he looked like Dream for a second there

See, he wants it to feel real, but he's producing it every step of the way

THEY KISSED

Holy shit

Ok so. Basically he wants to do an actual bank robbery.

The hyperrealistic set isn't enough. If im hearing him correctly he wants to do an actual, honest to god bank robbery with real guns and everything at the actual bank where it happened

Without the actors' knowledge

Guess who works at the bank? Catherine.

This is so fucked up

What the fuck

Holy shit Tom shot him

What a psychopath

Oh my GOD

He just shot all the actors

THE KID IS REAL

Oh my god oh my god oh my god

WHAT THE FUCK

IM SHAKING WHAT THE FUCK

BRO YOU JUST KILLED 4 PEOPLE

NO FUCKING WAY

ITS STARTING OVER AGAIN

Its over oh my god

Final thoughts: Just... im speechless. What the fuck. I dont even know what to think. What a trip. It starts off super slow but damn. I might rewatch just to figure out what the Fuck but thats not high on the priority list. I might watch Like Minds next??

[maliceandvice]

Hey there... Just saw you reblog a post with tags about being unhinged with grief and how you relate except the guy being talked to in the post is your cat... You doing ok? Do you need to talk at all? If not feel free to ignore this. It's just, I've lost very special pets before and that post was so extremely accurately evocative of the worst parts of grieving over a pet and I can't NOT offer to help...

Oh, it’s very sweet of you, I appreciate it, thank you. Yeah that post kind hit the nail on the head. Yes, I lost my little special guy, Sunshine, about a month ago. I haven’t really spoken about it here since I tend to keep this account separate and quieter from my more public social media, but I’ve found talking about it does help so I don’t mind sharing and talking about him.

I got him when he was about 6 and he was fiv+, so he sat in the shelter for 6 months because no one wanted an older sick cat. Also all his teeth went bad a few months after I got him because he’d been so neglected let, so he only had 3 and was the silliest, most pathetic little gummy bear. But he was perfect. My little buddy. The sweetest guy, just wanted a bff to hold him and give him head kisses. He loved new friends and would roll over for tummy rubs from everyone he met. Never bit or scratched. Loved rolling in sun puddles and licking water out of the bathtub like a little weirdo. He slept in my arms every day, went feral for sour cream, and would tuck himself under my arm to read or play Switch together.

In January 2022 he was diagnosed with large cell GI lymphoma. We did 6 months of chemo for it. Every Friday we’d brave the traffic on the LA 101 to go to the oncologist, I’d wait for hours in the vet’s parking lot for him to finish his treatment because I wasn’t allowed in with him because of COVID, and then we’d drive back together. He was a brave little champion through the entire thing; I genuinely think his bright, happy little personality helped him through it because he just didn’t know how to feel upset or bad! That first treatment worked perfectly though so it was worth it and he went into remission for about 9 months and he was great! Happiest little guy! But it came back this April and I knew we couldn’t possibly get that lucky twice. We still tried though. But yeah, he just never responded to this second round of chemo and he declined over the last few months. Even though I was braced for it for a really long time, it still went shockingly fast at the end. He was fine one week and then just faded so quickly the next and I knew we had to say goodbye.

One the one hand, I know getting 19 more months with an fiv+ cat with a terminal illness is amazing. It’s literally unheard of. It just doesn’t happen. He defied all his early prognosis, lived months and months beyond what’s typical, and didn’t start to show he was ill right until the end. So it’s near miraculous we got so much time, I’m so grateful to all the vets who looked after him, and I’m so proud of him for being so brave and strong to stay with me for so long. But on the other, we only had about 4 years together and he deserved so much more. I know he got several lifetimes worth of love in that timespan, but it still makes me upset that he didn’t get longer since he had such a hard life before I found him. We both got shortchanged.

I’m doing…pretty rough tbh. I think I’ve cried every day for over a month. I think between the pandemic and then the intense cancer treatment we basically super trauma bonded. And also he was just the perfect little guy for me, he slotted into my life so well. So it feels like all my happiness just got ripped out of my chest. The little constant and reliable source of brightness and love in my life is just gone. I know they’re all special and perfect, but he really, really was and I know I’m never going to be able to replace that kind of bond. So I’m pretty much a huge mess.

But I’m honestly probably doing about as well as I can be. I had a long time to mentally prepare and find pet grief resources, I’m very self aware, I’ve reached out for help when I’ve needed it, and I sort of just know that like…this is what it is. It’s an inevitably and it’s the saddest I’ve ever been in my life and there’s nothing that will make it feel better and I’m probably gonna be sad about him forever so you just gotta go straight through it. You just keep goin forward in small steps, even if you’re crying the entire way.

[mik-mania]

hiiii question for mun/newest characters. how do you think condes, zander, and lionel describe themselves compared to how others("others" being like friends/acquaintances/colleagues) would?

BITING YOU AFFECTIONATELY....THANK YOU.......

i'll go ahead and say this first, condes and lionel dont really have..................................friends. due to the whole Condes Being A Militant Dictator thing. it kinda limits the friend pool.

Condes:

firstly, he sees himself as the best fucking thing since sliced bread. he's strong and powerful. he is above everyone else and makes sure they know it. his confidence is off the fucking charts.

he and Lionel have a..... complicated relationship. to where I wouldn't call them kismesises or matesprits, but Vacillates. cus. yknow. they vacillate a lot. i'll be honest, their relationship is toxic as hell! theyre so tangled up in each others messes that the two of them are a package deal. lionel would love to see condes killed, or even kill the man himself, but at the same time he wont ever let him die. he would let himself be killed to defend the guy. its a special sort of stockholm that's progressed past "poor Lionel" to "well, you didnt have to commit warcrimes about it."

zander..................hates condes' guts. she thinks hes a nasty piece of work and she can't believe that the two of them ever used to be on good terms (although it was a long, long time ago). she remembers when Avatakra wasnt war-torn planet filled with death and ruin, before condes went on his campaign to ruin their world. before he killed Dabria. now all she wants is his death.

condes has a pretty strong empire beneath him. i say empire, but it's more of a large totalitarian militia. while he has control of nearly half of the planet, it's a struggle for complete control between him and various other groups vying for power. other leaders find him despicable, powerful, and mendacious. those beneath him view him as terrifying. they may not like him, but he has witchery he can punish them with. no one is sure how to defeat him because nobody knows where he's gotten these powers from.

LIONEL:

lionel hates himself. deep, deep down, he despises himself and is the same scared kid he used to be. but that was long, long, long ago. he views himself as despicable and twisted. his senses have been all switched up by sweeps and sweeps of abuse to the point that pain and suffering are simultaneously gratifying to him. he's given up on the notion of being a good person. anyone who can write off their own humanity (trollmanity?) like that is a dangerous person, because they no longer have any limits to what they're willing to do. and he is willing to do whatever Condes wants.

Condes views him as a pathetic plaything. he has the urge to control everything the man does--he wants him all to himself. i feel like his desire to control and hurt and destroy lionel comes from their childhood attachment to each other. Condes used to be a sweet kid, believe it or not. they both used to be. but condes got into some dark, dark magic shit and it changed him. and he changed lionel. he sees lionel and he wants to kill him, but he cant quite make himself do it. it pisses him off that lionel is a living reminder of his past self. no matter how much he disfigures and remakes this man, the reminder will still always be there. and Condes hates it.

zander... doesn't feel much for lionel tbh. she used to feel bad for him. she's tried many, many times to help him escape. to bring him with her and save him. but you really cant help a person who doesnt want to be helped. she used to feel conflicted about him, watching as he only descended into being Condes' tool and weapon. conflicted that that used to be her friend, that he refuses to fight her, but wont join her either. then, she pitied him for a long time until it slowly fizzled into complete apathy. the man known as Lionel Farlow today is not the boy she once knew. and if that means eventually cutting him down in front of god and everybody, then so be it.

lionel isnt thought of much by his and condes' subordinates, nor is he a thought in the mind of other world leaders. those under him view him mostly with a mix of pity and disgust. to see such a pathetic violet blood be mistreated and slapped around by a small jade blood is something of an upset. lionel is effectively a traitor of the empress' empire at large and the entire social hierarchy that's been established for milennia before Avatakra's existence. but those on the planet lack any method of contact to reach out to the rest of the universe, let alone even leave the planet. so in lieu of any other sort of action, lionel receives the collective brunt of society's resentment.

ZANDER:

she doesn't think much of herself. in all honesty, she tries not to. she doesn't have much of a sense of self and feels that most of her died along with her childhood. introspection only reveals one thing to her: she wants things to change and she is willing to fight for it.

Condes hates her. she is yet another reminder of his past that just seemingly wont go away. while "her" forces (how he views them--zander is not part of an organization) are nowhere near as strong as his, she is a constant thorn in his fucking side. she's sneaky and she knows him well enough to get around any defenses he may set up. she's come close to killing him a handful of times and vice versa. she has a few nasty scars from the man and he remembers every single one of them proudly. if Condes ever takes her captive, he will take extreme satisfaction in her prolonged torture.

Lionel... feels guilty when he thinks about zander. so he tries not to think about her very often. when it's come right down to making the decision whether or not to kill her--he has decided against it, every single time. which is saying something, considering how often he's had the advantage over her. he cares about her in a nostalgic way, wishing that things could go back to how they used to be. but he's already chosen where his heart resides and there is no going back, regardless of how zander tries to convince him. the least he can do is refuse to kill or capture her--even if it earns him severe punishment from condes every time.

zander lives covertly in a small community just outside of Condes' territory. the community is mostly like-minded rebels such as her; trolls who have no loyalty to any of the rising powers in the world and only wish for freedom. they're brought together by the radical ideals of abolishing the social hierarchy, seeking to live in equality all together. condes is not the only power they rebuke, but he is the largest and the closest.

despite their ideologies, most of trolls in the community aren't active members. most people there only wish to live their lives, living off the land and depending on each other. zander has good standing in the community, being known as somewhat of a loner that lives a bit farther from the town. she spends her time building relationships with the trolls there, helping with development of the settlement. it's a fulfilling day-job and she earns companionship and food in return.

although she knows the handful of folks in town that actively rebel, she refuses to work with them. their rebellion is very small-time, targeted toward wandering foot-soldiers and hostile threats. zander refuses to involve them in anything more dangerous, as it would lead not only to their deaths, but most likely the whole community. she intentionally has no deep relationships with any of the townsfolk because when the day finally comes that she disappears for good, she doesnt want anybody to come looking for her.

[synesindri]

i hope this isn’t an intrusive question but do you think it’s worth getting your phd?

not an intrusive question at all! for me personally? yes, definitely! a lot goes into that though.

(this is my perspective as someone in a US doctoral program, some things that shape my opinions are different or irrelevant in other countries)

for one thing, i just genuinely really enjoy what i do day to day in the program, so it feels like a good way to spend 5+ years for that alone. a lot of people do phd programs because they need the degree for the jobs they want afterwards, but they don't like grad school. conversations i have with my peers in that position make it sound like they think it's worth it, but they have to remind themselves pretty much daily of why it's worth it, because they hate the process. by contrast, i just. think grad school is fun. it's hard in different ways from how college is hard, and it's isolating, and there's a lot of pressure because everyone around you is high-achieving, and you have to be super self-directed and deal with a lot of Academics With Issues all the time, and you're never really sure what is expected of you and whether it's expected of you right now or at some indefinite point later in the future when someone will randomly tell you "you're doing great but i notice that you've never done [huge thing you've never heard of], which makes you look kinda bad lol," and you spend a lot of time having existential crises.

but. i don't mind all that lol. i'm enthusiastic about what i'm researching, and i like being in a place with a lot of academic and artistic resources, and i like being around people who care about learning and share a lot of my values, and people here mostly get it about my pronouns/queerness in ways that i've had more trouble with in other kinds of settings, and tbh i enjoy the particular stresses of academia. so, on a day-to-day basis i'm having fun, which makes it feel more worth it to me than stuff that pays better or where you can see more immediate payoffs of your work or whatever.

(i'm also lucky that i'm in a department that has a good and supportive culture, which helps a TON. plus i love my advisor and have a great working relationship with her. that's huge. people who have bad relationships with their advisors have a much worse time and it's probably a lot less worth it for them)

financially, i'm in a field that is able to pay me in exchange for teaching. it's a kind of pathetic amount of money, but it at least takes care of most of my basic living expenses. that isn't the case for everyone in every field at every school, though, and the financial hit of making little to know money for at least a handful of years is definitely something to consider. i'm not guaranteed a job in my field after i finish the program, but there's a pretty good chance i'll be able to find something that pays me decently well when i'm done, which makes it somewhat more tolerable to be making so little now — the less security people feel that they'll be able to find something that pays better when they're done makes a huge impact on how worth it it probably feels to people. i also worked for a few years while living with family before starting my phd program, so i have a bit of savings to fall back on when the money i get from teaching can't cut it. people who come straight out of college are in a totally different position from me, especially depending on their field, and that will make a huge difference as to whether it's worth it.

the years spent working were also at a university, so i had a really good feel for what being in this environment would be like and if i could stand it for 5+ more years. it gave me some time to figure out if grad school was really the move for me, what kinds of jobs it would set me up for, if i would enjoy it while i was doing it, what things i needed in a program to be happy in it, etc. so that helps make it worth it; i picked a thing i knew i would like and that i knew would set me up for various trajectories i was interested in after finishing the program.

doctoral programs definitely give people a lot of skills, regardless of the type of program...whether that means that people will end up able to do things with those skills that they like/care about/value is a question. whether they really had to be in a phd program to get those skills is another question. but you sure will get hella skills lol

i also just. idk. value what i do. it's kind of fiddly little bullshit but i think it matters. or, i think it could matter. or, i don't care about things mattering as much i should. or, it matters to me. something related to that. anyway, that helps a lot too :p